no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
