That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
