yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
