I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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