Taylor Swift is so right about you.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
