i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
