This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
