My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
