Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize