I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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