yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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