What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
