He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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