i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
