everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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