Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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