Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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