Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
sex in a hospital.. check
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
