I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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