this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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