Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
