I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
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