college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
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I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
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I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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