your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Michael Bay diarrhea
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
