Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
