around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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