i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
