One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
