The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
NoShamevember. You game?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
