Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
