I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
