Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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