and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
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