I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
