I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
