im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
