She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
