why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
