i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize