Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
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I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
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My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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