and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
