member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
