I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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