Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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