I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
