jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
