Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
