So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
