new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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