the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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