I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
