I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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