You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
