i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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