There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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