We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
