He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
