Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
