He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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